We’ve all heard of "trauma bonding," but what does it really mean? And why do so many of us find ourselves in relationships that feel more draining than fulfilling? It’s time to stop calling trauma bonding love. True love should uplift, empower, and heal—not leave you constantly in turmoil. This blog explores the key steps to break free from these toxic patterns, reclaim your power, and choose yourself first.
1. Stop Calling Trauma Bonding Love
The first step to breaking free is recognizing the difference between real love and trauma bonding. Trauma bonding often forms in unhealthy relationships where emotional manipulation, control, or toxicity keeps you hooked. It’s a false sense of connection built on pain, rather than mutual respect, trust, and understanding. If you find yourself stuck in this cycle, it's time to acknowledge that it’s not love—it’s survival. Real love doesn’t make you feel drained or constantly on edge. It fills you up, rather than leaving you empty.
2. Stop Complaining About Men While Settling for Less
We often hear complaints about how "men are this" or "men are that," but let’s face it—sometimes we’re allowing the wrong ones into our lives. Stop crying about the man who’s not treating you well when you’re giving him access to your energy and your womb without respect. You have the power to set boundaries and say no to anything that doesn’t serve you. A man who values you will honor those boundaries. If he doesn’t, it’s time to release him from your life and make space for someone who does.
3. Choose Yourself First
One of the most empowering things you can do is to choose yourself first. When you prioritize your own well-being, you create space for the right relationships to come into your life. You cannot expect someone else to choose you if you’re not choosing yourself. Self-love isn’t about being selfish—it’s about recognizing your worth and making decisions that align with your highest good. When you start choosing yourself, you attract the right energy and people into your life.
4. Let Go of Settling for Less
Stop settling for less than what you deserve. When we don’t value ourselves enough, we end up accepting treatment that doesn’t align with our self-worth. Whether it's love, respect, or friendship, don't settle for anything that doesn’t honor you. You are worthy of someone who sees your value and treats you with the same respect you give. Remember, your energy is precious, and it should be shared only with those who truly deserve it.
5. Listen to Your Body
Your body speaks to you in ways words can’t. When something feels wrong, it’s not just in your head—your body is trying to send you a message. Pay attention to your gut feelings, your physical reactions, and the energy around you. Your body is a powerful tool for self-awareness. If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and use your body as a guide to make better decisions.
6. Hold Yourself Accountable
It’s easy to blame others for the way things are, but true healing starts with accountability. Men may not always act right, but you are in control of what you allow in your life. Holding yourself accountable means recognizing that you have the power to change your situation. Take a step back and reflect on the choices you’ve made. Are they serving your highest good? If not, it’s time to make different decisions. You are the architect of your life, and your choices will shape your future.
7. Change the Narrative
Finally, it's time to change the narrative. The patterns of trauma bonding and toxic relationships often stem from narratives we’ve accepted about ourselves and our worth. It’s time to rewrite that story. Start by changing your beliefs and the way you view yourself. Empower yourself to step away from toxic relationships, to set stronger boundaries, and to choose what aligns with your true self. When you change how you see yourself, you change how others see you. And that shift will attract the relationships and energy you deserve.
Reclaim Your Power
It’s time to release the narrative that holds you back. Stop trauma bonding, choose yourself, and take responsibility for your choices. Your life is yours to create, and you have the power to change your path. Healing starts within, and once you begin to honor yourself, the universe will respond with the right people and energy.
Asé.
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